Dissociative disorders occur as a response to threat, be it an act of violence, loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or alternatively as a response to perceived dangers from childhood, as the mind’s way of helping a person distance themselves from a difficult experience.
Ever been a bit too hungover or sleep-deprived and felt yourself walking around in a daze, not fully present? Or perhaps you’ve found yourself getting to the end of the day without quite remembering how you got there. It’s normal in periods when life is hectic to feel like everything is a bit of a blur, but what about when you can go months at a time feeling disconnected from yourself, your personal history, or as if you’re having an out of body experience? For those suffering with dissociation, be it sporadically or for extended episodes, this is the reality.
Dissociative disorders including Derealisation, Depersonalisation and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) occur as a response to threat, be it an act of violence, loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or alternatively as a response to perceived/past dangers from childhood, as the mind’s way of helping a person distance themselves from a difficult experience. Not all those who disassociate are experiencing a dissociative disorder, as Jodie Cariss, therapist and founder of the contemporary mental health therapy service Self Space notes:
You may adopt dissociative behaviours if your life is demanding, you go to an emotional place you aren’t familiar with, a current experience is reminiscent of difficult things in the past or you are confronted with a reality that feels too hard to manage
The differences between Dissociation/Derealisation/Depersonalisation:
Dissociation, Derealisation and Depersonalisation are all strategies used in defence of feeling and are similar in terms of their impact but can be distinguished by the different degrees to which a person is cut off from themselves, their reality and their feelings, notes Jodie. “They all share the same foundation, which is denial in some form and they all act defensively but have varying levels of the intensity of the denial.”
Dissociation
This is where you semi-consciously cut yourself off from a stressful situation. You take yourself somewhere less threatening internally as a form of protection. Sometimes this can be helpful and sometimes as with all defence mechanisms it keeps you cut off from the emotional place you really need to access.
You might….
- Feel as though you are watching yourself in a film or looking at yourself from the outside.
- Feel as if you are just observing your emotions.
- Feel disconnected from parts of your body or your emotions.
- Feel as if you are floating away.
- Feel unsure of the boundaries between yourself and other people.
Snow, known as SnowBabyFresh on Instagram and TikTok has shared her experiences of dissociation with her community of followers online and describes the way in which she feels during an episode: “It’s honestly a very unpredictable sensation but besides the general Google search answers for what it feels like, I describe my experience as having ‘goo thoughts’. For me, it feels like instead of racing thoughts, they are stuck in goo or mud or something like that. It came out of my mouth like that during an attack that I had been recording and it ended up on my TikTok, and it turns out that loads of people related to ‘goo thoughts’! In my head, it’s kind of like the world is still moving around at a normal pace or even faster, but I’m moving slower. Physically, it sometimes feels like a panic attack on the rise, like a restlessness in my entire body. In really severe attacks, it can feel like my skin is hovering off of my body. Just this overall sensation of being off-kilter.”
Derealisation
This is when someone begins to think delusionally, cutting themselves off from reality, not just an emotional distance but also a cognitive distance from the truth to the point they are reinterpreting information in a different, unreal way.
“For example, a person might be working towards a goal, something that’s taken an unrealistic amount of time, money and energy to work towards but they feel that with just one more step they will be where they need to be” continues Jodie. “The focus is so intense that you are unaware of what is happening in other areas of your life which cuts you off from reality and your present situation. Derealisation is where you feel the world around is unreal. People and things around you may seem “lifeless” or “foggy”.”
Depersonalisation
This is experienced as feeling disconnected or detached from yourself. Feeling as if you are outside of your own body and thoughts, often watching yourself. Those who have been exposed to traumatic events may reflect on them in a depersonalised way, for example with experiences of war or road traffic accidents. Nurses, doctors, soldiers and those exposed to difficult matters, often for prolonged periods may use depersonalization as an effective form of emotional protection.
Jodie goes on to say, “I have noticed an unhelpful rise in depersonalisation in the digital dating world, and hear this often with clients who are using dating apps. There is a sense that it dehumanises the interactions, making the connections less human which can result in shallow relationships that are devoid of meaning and content. Where immediate gratification is being sought and satisfied, the person is not thought about again (this might mean long conversations then ghosting, meeting and then being ignored), this can be dangerous when we forget about the impact we have on others and them on us.”
Common Symptoms
- Feeling like you’re outside your body, sometimes as if you’re looking down on yourself from above.
- Feeling detached from yourself, as if you have no actual self.
- Numbness in your mind or body, as if your senses are turned off.
- Feeling as if you can’t control what you do or say.