I sat in the exam room with a flimsy paper gown on, swinging my legs in nervous anticipation. Today was the day I would get my results. After an abnormal mammogram, more imaging, and then a biopsy, the wait was over. Did I have cancer?
A quick knock on the door, and my surgeon entered. After a brief greeting, he sat in front of his computer to review the results. He read them a few times before he looked at me and told me that the biopsy had revealed a type of early stage breast cancer called ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS).
My heart sank. It was the day before my 42nd birthday, and I was a cancer patient.
Suddenly, the bright dreams I had been cultivating, dreams of building a new career after my kids graduated high school, shattered. Shocked and stunned, I tried to remember the questions I’d prepared so that I could embark on a journey I didn’t want to take.
The surgeon continued reading through the biopsy notes and called the radiologist to confirm the size of the area. Then, it was time to talk about my options. Since I was only 41 at the time of diagnosis, he recommended genetic testing and a breast MRI. These additional steps would help us make an informed surgical decision.
I’d brought a friend to the appointment with me, and she was scribbling notes quickly as the appointment continued. Since the DCIS appeared to be small, only about 4 millimeters, a lumpectomy would be possible. A lumpectomy, or breast-conserving surgery, had a quicker recovery than a mastectomy, which appealed to me.
Once my questions were answered, I headed to the nurse’s station to review the logistics. We picked a tentative surgery date, and the nurse handed me a packet of to-dos.
My friend and I walked out of the office and collapsed in some nearby chairs. What was I going to do now? How would I tell my family? Was I going to die young? I could feel my heart beginning to race, and my head was spinning in overwhelm.
Breast cancer was a life pivot I wasn’t anticipating.
An unexpected second half
Before that appointment, I had known it was important to get mammograms beginning at age 40, but I had no idea that my second annual mammogram would detect cancer. Surely, I had many years ahead of me before I needed to worry about significant health concerns. In fact, I had just started dreaming about what my life would look like after being a full-time virtual school parent for 12 years. My sons were in 9th and 11th grade, and the years of schooling at home were winding down.
On walks with my husband, Dave, we would frequently chat about my “second half.” What would I do with my new time? Would I go back to teaching music? Or would I pick something completely different? I had always loved French. Wouldn’t it be amazing to find a job where I could speak French every day? I began taking French classes at a nearby Alliance Française, a French community and cultural center. After a year of study, I could take a certification exam that would demonstrate my skills to future employers.
On Mondays, I’d take my weekly “trip to France,” relishing in the classes and the francophone friends I made. I was thriving, and that energy permeated my overall sense of well-being throughout the week.
I planned to wait to get a job until after my sons had graduated. This would give me time to take the certification test and build my skills. After all, I had my entire second half ahead of me. Or so I thought.
Breast cancer taught me not to take time for granted. I learned that now is the time to pursue a dream. “Someday” might never come.
Life is short – appreciate it
Breast cancer was an unexpected and challenging life pivot. After my DCIS diagnosis, I had more imaging testing done. Once that was finished, I chose a lumpectomy to remove the cancer and then did a month of radiation to reduce my risk of that cancer coming back. My active treatment finished just before Christmas 2019. I was exhausted but extremely grateful to be done.
Shortly after I finished treatment, a new dream dawned in my heart. Breast cancer helped me realize that I had a story to tell that I wasn’t afraid to share. One day, I opened up my laptop and I started writing my breast cancer story. I read many books during my breast cancer diagnosis and treatment, but longed to hear the voice of a woman who was diagnosed with DCIS like me. A few months later, I finished the first draft of my manuscript. I also began blogging on my website and seeking out encouragement from other cancer survivors on social media.
Now, my days are filled with writing, encouraging, and connecting with others going through similar challenges. I don’t know what the future holds, but I face it with a new appreciation and boldness.