90 Thoughts I Had While Watching the Season 3 Finale of ‘The White Lotus’

This post contains spoilers for Season 3, Episode 8 of The White Lotus.

I don’t quite know how we arrived at the final episode of The White Lotus Season 3, but heading into Sunday night, I was extremely ready to watch those rich people behave badly for the last time (and, of course, find out who died!!!!!!!! If anyone died? Though, if no one died, what were those gunshots from the first episode? Did a monkey get hold of a gun? If a monkey got hold of a gun, I want credit for predicting it!). It’s been a wild season of Carrie Coon worship, real-life romance inspo, Lorazepam discourse, and book-club fodder, and now it’s time to close it all out with a bang. Below, find quite literally every thought I had about the Season 3 finale of The White Lotus.

1. I’m going to miss these opening credits.
2. I can’t believe the composer had beef with Mike White!
3. Wait, yes I can.
4. It’s Thailand…I mean, Taiwan, Piperrrrrrrr!
5. Hey, Tim’s Duke shirt is back, despite Duke telling The White Lotus to get their name out of its mouth.
6. LOL, this little hotel hallway floor roll.
7. “Don’t you like me anymore? I need my guy.” I love White Lotus masculinity!
8. I wish some of these Thai party girls got the fun, three-dimensional treatment that Mia and Lucia did in Season 2, to be honest.
9. Oh, my sweet Gaitok.
10. I understand why Carrie Coon had to be blonde for this role, but she looks so good with her dark hair creeping out from underneath!
11. Awww, sweet Lochlan.
12. Is Piper wearing LoveShackFancy?
13. God, those are some vivid shots of monkeys having sex.
14. Oh God, Belinda introducing Pornchai to Zion and Zion saying, “We met, Mom,” is such an awkward reminder of…him walking in on them.
15. Aww, Zion teasing his mom about liking Pornchai is cute.
16. Piper complaining that the food at the temple wasn’t organic! Oh, babe, we all turn into our mothers in the end.
17. Victoria saying it’s offensive to the less-fortunate for the Ratliffs not to enjoy their lives…well, sure.
18. Every time these brothers are anywhere near each other, I flinch involuntarily.
19. Wow, I am so deeply uncomfortable right now, but at least Saxon seems to be, too.
20. There is no hell quite like watching your friends have fun without you on a trio vacation.
21. Valentin looking evil as hell in his green collar 🙂
22. Chelsea’s bright yellow caftan is so hopeful and so sad, somehow.
23. Man, I can spot Walton Goggins’s sexy receding hairline from a beach away.
24. Did not expect Chelsea and Rick to have a rom-com-style reunion beach kiss!
25. LOL, Victoria is so happy to be buying her daughter stuff in the hotel store. God (and capitalism) bless.
26. Let Lochlan stay inside and read! I did it for 18 years, and I’m normal!
27. Oop, it’s Tim v. Pam again, except this time she’s trying to give him his phone back instead of taking it away.
28. Jesus, the tree is called “the suicide tree” because people grind up the seeds and eat them to kill themselves?
29. Pam! Don’t tell Tim that!
30. And, yep, he’s ripping the fruit open.
31. Suicide by fruit!
32. Or attempted suicide, anyway.
33. “Soup to nuts” is a crazy expression.
34. Hell yeah, Tanya McQuoid invocation.
35. “Mom, why don’t you just give us businessmen a minute alone?” You sound five, but okay!
36. “He wants us to be scared, but we have to make him scared!” Ooh, go Belinda!
37. I’m very here for a Zion-and-Belinda family-scam season.
38. “I am confident…when I feel good about myself.” Gaitok! Babygirl!
39. Oh, Christ, is Tim actually trying to kill his whole family by blending the poison seeds into piña coladas?
40. Okay, he’s sparing Lochlan?????????????
41. WHAT IS HAPPENING?
42. I want Chelsea to be my girlfriend and constantly tell me “You’re free, it’s a new day.” Sounds nice!
43. Oh, I hate this weird Christian gardening metaphor.
44. “I’ve just been in the best mood all week, I really have.” Jaclyn, girl, be serious!!!!!!!!! We were all there with you!
45. “All week, I’ve just been so sad.” Exactly, Laurie!
46. Aw, did this somehow turn into a heartwarming moment between the cursed girls’-trippers?
47. Holy shit, Tim is making the piña coladas!
48. I will never drink one of those cocktails the same way again.
49. He’s just going to kill Lochlan’s entire family off and leave him alive, alone?
50. I am straight-up panicking about the outcome here.
51. What in the Jonestown fuck is this pre-death toast?
52. LMAO at any parent confidently declaring that his kids have “no trauma.”
53. Oh hell yeah, time for Victoria’s “toast to Thailand.”
54. Obsessed with Victoria absolutely knocking back her death drink.
55. OMG, he slapped the drink right out of Saxon’s hand at the last minute.
56. That was some truly dark stuff, even for this show.
57. “Have you ever heard of wine?”
58. Wow, Greg actually gave Belinda the money!
59. Oh shit, Lochlan’s using the blender that has the poisonous seeds in it.
60. No! Not Lochlan!
61. Rick v. Jim time!
62. Why did I never realize that Chelsea is totally Adriana La Cerva from The Sopranos-coded (clueless, hot girlfriend of a miserable guy trying to avenge his father’s death)?
63. Oh shit, Lochlan’s puking into the pool.
64. 🙁
65. I’m sorry, but how are you going to not wash out the blender in general, let alone when you’re using it to make death-seed cocktails?
66. OMG, Rick just shot Jim!
67. Okay, fine, the killer wasn’t a monkey.
68. JIM IS RICK’S FATHER?
69. Okay, Maury!
70. Shootout time!
71. CHELSEA DIES????????????????????????
72. Oh, Mike White, you are absolutely not seeing heaven.
73. The thing about ignoring your girlfriend for an entire trip is that she miiiiiiight…die? Just to make you feel bad?
74. Women: We have our ways!
75. Is Gaitok going to shoot Rick???
76. Yep, Gaitok shot Rick.
77. So that’s Rick, Chelsea, Jim, and Lochlan dead, right?
78. This shot of Rick’s floating body is creeping me out in a very real way.
79. Wait, is Lochlan not dead?
80. He seems to be back and puking!
81. “I think I just saw God.” Iconic line!
82. The Ratliff siblings all look pretty chill, given all that’s gone on during their trip.
83. Wait, so Lochlan has no health issues from drinking the seeds?
84. I don’t feel like that plotline is totally resolved for me, personally.
85. Points to Tim for telling his family that “things are about to change” after basically trying to kill them all.
86. The blonde trio doesn’t seem that stressed about the deaths, either.
87. God, Greg is such an unkillable creep.
88. If there are no body bags being loaded onto the plane at the end of the trip, it definitely wasn’t a White Lotus stay.
89. Live your beautiful lives, Belinda and Zion!
90. Aw, I wish the Belinda/Pornchai romance arc had worked out.