When you have migraine, throbbing headaches can force their way into every part of your life. Work, family, and friends all fall to the side when you’re in pain.
It’s natural to be angry and frustrated. You may also have feelings of guilt that you can’t keep up with work and family obligations and shame over having symptoms only you can see.
These feelings can fester to the point where they lower your self-esteem. You may start to believe that your migraine attacks are your fault. Over time, guilt and shame can turn into feelings of failure.
Having chronic migraine doesn’t mean that you’ve failed. And although guilt and shame are usual emotions, they can become harmful if you don’t address them. Reaching out for help and practicing self-compassion can help you overcome these feelings, so you can focus on getting the treatment you need to manage migraine.
Migraine is a neurological condition characterized by unilateral headaches and is accompanied by symptoms like:
- nausea and vomiting
- sensitivity to light, sound, and smells
- vision changes
- fatigue
- dizziness
Having chronic migraine means you get at least 15 painful headaches a month, 8 of which have migraine symptoms, for a minimum of 3 months.
Doctors have two categories of medications for treating chronic migraine. Preventive medications stop migraine headaches before they start. These include:
- antidepressants
- anti-seizure medicines
- blood pressure-lowering medicines called beta-blockers
- botulinum toxin type A (Botox) injections
- calcitonin gene-related peptide (CGRP) inhibitors
Acute treatments stop a migraine episode once it has started. They include:
- pain relievers such as ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin) and acetaminophen (Tylenol)
- CGRP inhibitors (Nurtec and Ubrelvy)
- lasmiditan
- triptans
Non-drug therapies like neuromodulation devices are also available. Lifestyle changes, including avoiding triggers, are another important part of migraine management.
Migraine is one of the most disabling of all health conditions. It’s no surprise that research finds depression and anxiety to be more common in people with migraine.
Although migraine attacks aren’t your fault, they can lead to feelings of guilt. It may seem like you’re constantly letting down the people closest to you. Having to miss school, not being able to spend as much time with your family, being less productive at work, or needing to cancel plans all contribute to guilt.
Making matters worse is the fact that migraine is an invisible condition. People who’ve never had these headaches may not know how debilitating they are. The lack of understanding and stigma surrounding migraine leads many people to be dismissed by their partner, friends, and even their doctor.
Guilt and shame can eventually lead to isolation. Some people with migraine feel so bad about letting others down that they shut themselves off from their loved ones even more.
Easing guilt and shame starts with recognizing these emotions and knowing that your feelings are valid. Be kind to yourself and lean on the people who care about you.
Think about what you might do if someone close to you were in pain. Would you sympathize with them? You owe yourself the same kindness.
Remember that migraine is not your fault. No one chooses to have debilitating headaches. Migraine is a disease, just like cancer or heart disease.
Instead of getting down on yourself for missing a work deadline or your child’s soccer game, try to be encouraging. You might tell yourself, “I’m doing the best that I can in this situation.”
Take care of yourself by sleeping and eating well, practicing relaxation techniques like meditation or yoga, and getting on a treatment plan to manage these headaches.
It may be hard for your friends and family to understand why you’re not around as much. Co-workers might sometimes wonder why they have to pick up extra work for you. Your kids may get upset when you need to lie down when they want you to play.
Tell the people in your life what migraine is like and how these headaches affect you. Ask them for help. Your children might do some chores when you don’t feel well. Your company could offer accommodations to help you do your job more easily.
Once everyone understands your situation, you won’t have to feel guilty when a migraine takes you away from them.
Don’t stop making plans. You could become isolated and lonely. Instead, try to work your plans around your migraine patterns. If you often get these headaches in the morning, meet a friend for dinner instead of breakfast.
Have a backup plan in place for when migraine episodes strike. Instead of going to a loud concert with your partner, you might have a quiet dinner together.
Join a migraine support group
Connecting with others experiencing the same stressors and emotions can be very therapeutic. In a migraine support group, you’ll be surrounded by people who understand what it’s like to live with migraine. They may suggest ways to relieve guilt and shame that have worked for them.
You can find a support group by asking the doctor who treats your migraine or through an organization like the American Migraine Foundation.
If guilt, shame, or other negative feelings overwhelm you, see a counselor, therapist, or other mental health professional. They may have suggestions to help you let go of these emotions.
It’s natural to feel guilty or ashamed when you have chronic migraine. Realize these feelings are valid; remember that you have nothing to be guilty or ashamed about. Good communication and self-compassion are key to controlling these emotions and feeling better about yourself.