Since entering my current relationship, I’m proud to say that I haven’t personally experienced the dating phenomenon known as “micro-cheating.” But what does it mean? Where does it thrive? And is it all just…BS? Find a full explainer on the term below.
What is micro-cheating?
Psychology Today defines this relationship trend as “small breaches of trust in a relationship that don’t pass the threshold into a physical affair.” (The examples the site provides include leaving your wedding ring at home while going out alone or secretly chatting with an ex-partner online, both things that wouldn’t, um, thrill me if my partner did them, but also seem pretty easily explained.) More broadly, micro-cheating refers to “behaviors that lead someone to question their partner’s emotional or physical commitment to the relationship.”
How did micro-cheating become a certified Internet Thing?
The relationship trend recently drew attention after Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Kyle Richards liked an Instagram post about micro-cheating in the wake of her split with longtime husband Mauricio Umansky.
How is micro-cheating different than just…cheating?
This is the tricky thing. The term seems to refer to acts of betrayal that aren’t based in physical intimacy with someone outside of your relationship, but those acts can vary pretty widely. In the post Richards liked on Instagram, influencer Sameeksha Dhoundiya defined micro-cheating as including “secretly messaging someone,” “deleting messages,” “complaining about your partner to other people,” “maintaining contact with your exes or people you used to talk to,” “lying about your relationship status online or offline,” “being touchy with someone else,” “trying to impress someone who isn’t your partner,” “having secret friendship,” and “stalking someone you find attractive.” Sorry, but that’s…a lot of stuff! Also, “maintaining contact with exes” being painted as an automatic red flag is giving me Jonah Hill vibes—and it’s quite common in queer communities.
What’s the final verdict on micro-cheating?
The category of “micro-cheating” is one that might be useful if you find yourself struggling to put the weird feeling you get as a result of your partner’s actions into words, but as with any pop-culture therapy-adjacent term, in embracing it you run the risk of pathologizing what’s going on to a degree that might not be healthy for you or your relationship. I’m quite famously not a doctor or relationship expert, but IMO, you’re better off talking to your partner(s) about what constitutes a crossed boundary for you, not what TikTok tells you to worry about.