If one of your nearest and dearest is tying the knot, it’s possible you may be asked to give a speech during the wedding festivities. While having an opportunity to share your love and memories at a major milestone event is an honor, there’s no denying that it’s a big ask—especially if public speaking isn’t your forté. A wedding speech is a unique one, too. There’s no set formula for how the speech should play out, but it often requires sentimentality, a touch of humor, and a good sense to know when to wrap it up.
Are you a member of the wedding party that wants to (or has been asked to) give a toast at an upcoming celebration? Read ahead to learn how to write and prepare for your big moment.
Who Gives a Wedding Speech?
First off, it’s important to make sure that the couple actually wants you to give a toast at their celebrations. Traditionally, the maid of honor, best man, and parents of the couple will give a speech at the wedding. However, the couple should explicitly ask these guests in advance to give a speech so they have time to prepare. They may also choose additional wedding party members to give toasts at the reception or pre-wedding parties. If the couple has not asked you to give a speech, do not prepare one. Speeches are carefully placed into a wedding timeline so the day will stay on schedule. An additional five minutes could cut into strategically timed moments of the celebration.
The to-be-weds also have the right to curate the day as they wish, and may not want toasts coming from those outside of their pre-selected list. Occasionally at a rehearsal dinner or welcome party, the couple may open the floor to additional toasts. But if this does not happen, grabbing the mic unexpectedly for an off-the-cuff speech will not be appreciated.
How to Write a Wedding Speech
If you are asked to give a toast, it is important that you don’t just wing it. “First, recognize that speechwriting is a creative process,” shares Allison Shapiro, founder and CEO of Global Public Speaking. “Give yourself plenty of time to be creative (i.e. not the night before, when you already have so much to stress about). Wait for your most creative time of the day, and turn off any distractions. Spend some unrushed time thinking about your relationship to the couple, and what you’d like to say.”
While there’s no exact template to follow, there is a good basic formula to adhere to. “The framework I recommend for a wedding speech is: story, message, blessing,” she shares. “Tell a heartwarming story, share the message or value behind that story, and then offer a blessing or wish for the couple based on that message.”