Imagine a relationship that’s entirely free from emotional attachment. You can say exactly how you feel without fear of retribution, as can your partner. The sex is incredible. Consistent. Reliable. And you don’t have to ever meet anyone’s friends or parents. Reintroducing the f*** buddy—the much-maligned dynamic that, ironically, might just be your healthiest relationship yet.
“We’d go on dates and hang out, but there was always this understanding we didn’t have feelings for each other,” says Bella*, 34, who was seeing her f*** buddy regularly for three years. “We existed at the exact right balance of liking each other a lot but not in that way where we wanted to be together. It’s rare that I’ve had that with someone, where I’ve fancied them enough to want to have sex but not had serious romantic feelings. It was pretty straightforward.”
I know what you’re thinking: You can’t really be friends with benefits without inevitably falling in love—at least that’s the narrative we’ve repeatedly been sold by pop culture. And maybe that used to be the case, but in 2024, something has shifted. Because while the pursuit of monogamy feels harder than ever before (just ask anyone who’s single), unconventional high-reward, low-commitment relationships seem to be thriving. That is, among those who know how to make them work.
“The sex was really good, it just all clicked,” says Frankie*, 29, who had a f*** buddy for an entire year. “We were super comfortable with each other and I just enjoyed hanging out with him so much. No topic was off-limits, and we always had fun; it was pretty much drama-free.” Now, that dynamic has transitioned into something else: a close friendship. “He came and stayed over when I found out my grandad had died,” adds Kate. “We’re both in long-term relationships now and keep in touch all the time.”
In a dating landscape that is plagued by insecurity, miscommunication, and major attachment issues, there are endless benefits to a relationship that throws convention out of the window and allows you to purely prioritize pleasure. “One of the most commonly reported benefits of a f*** buddy or friend with benefits is the freedom that many experience as a result of not being in a committed relationship,” says psychosexual therapist Kate Moyle. “More emotional independence can allow some people to engage in consensual sexual experiences and to explore with someone familiar on an ongoing basis without being preoccupied about future-thinking or the potential of ‘what might be’ in terms of a relationship.”